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04 September 2008 @ 05:58 am
I'm so confused. I binged yesterday and on the 1st. And if *feel* like i'm gonna binge today. I KNOW i'm gaining wieght and turning into a fat lard!!!


I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning, and my parentsare getting suspicious of me again. I'm terrified that i'll stand on that scale and the number will be too low and that will make me happy but i'll be in a shitload of trouble. I'm scared of standing on that scale and having it be too high and that will make me feel like crap but will make them happy and keep my ass out of trouble.

So part of me is saying 'go ahead. Binge today. You dont want to get in trouble.'
and Part of me is saying 'fat lard. You're going to stand on that scale and see what you deserve!!!'

And i have no clue weather i should eat today or not. Help please!!!
Mbeautycontrol on September 8th, 2008 02:55 am (UTC)
Honestly, I would ask your doctor to weigh you backwards or skip weighing you if it's not ED related and you can talk them into that. No matter what the number is, weighing in is upsetting. For me, if I have lost weight I feel guilty because I'm supposed to be in recovery and anxious that I might gain it back. If I gain weight, I feel absolutely disgusting. It is healthier just to avoid it overall.
karaoke_barkaraoke_bar on October 25th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
ug, the doctor.
if it's not eating disorder related, and if you've never been hospitalized for an eating disorder then you will probably be able to wear your street clothes on the scale.
which can make up to a 5 lb difference depending on your clothes.
I always had conflicting emotions when the doctor weighed me.
I didn't want the weight to be low, because the last thing I want is to go back into the shink ward.
But when I step on that scale and the doctor gives me that dissaproving look because I've dropped 5 more pounds, for some reason I'm secretly thrilled, because for the first time I worth worrying about. I'm proving people wrong, I'm beating the odds, I fighting all of their attepts to save my sorry ass...and I'm winning.
it's sick.