September 7th, 2008

(no subject)

I haven't done this in ages . . . but I think that I'm going to fast! Kind of . . . just two days. I just ate way too much this weekend. People don't even ask me if I want to eat stuff, they just hand me a plate with food on it and I would feel terrible saying no. But I think I'm going to fast. I'm so full right now from eating an hour ago, it's gross.

Tomorrow, I have school so I will leave the house at 7:00 a.m.  I will feel no temptation to eat until about 11:00 a.m. when I will meet my friend and go over to the mall . . . at this time, I will feel tempted to do our usual thing and go to See's and get a sample . . . I will just have to pass. Not a big deal. Then, I have philosophy and biological anthropology . . . then I'm going to a friend's apartment. She will offer me food. I will say that I ate at the mall earlier with my other friend. I'll hang out with her until that gets tiresome, at which point I will head over to the congressional campaign office where I volunteer. If they offer me cake or anything, I will just politely decline. No one knows me very well so again, not a big deal. I'll stay there until eight, at which point I will head home, getting back by about 8:15. When my parents ask me what I ate, I'll say that I ate a Subway sandwich at the mall and that I had ravioli at my friend's apartment and then the other six inches of the Subway sandwich at the campaign office. My transportation in my bicycle, so that is 7 miles of bike riding.

Then Tuesday, I work all day at my old high school. If I don't bring food or money, I don't need to worry about eating until I get home at 2:30. My friend will probably give me a large apple, which I will put in my bag for later. I'll come home, maybe take a quick nap, go to my 4 p.m. therapy appointment. I will come home and if people make me eat, eat. if not (which is a strong possibility) I won't. Whatever I do, it will be after 6:30 because I want the 48 hours of not eating. My transportation is my bike again, so that is 10 miles.

Wednesday, my schedule mirrors Monday . . . we'll see where I am then. Probably restricting but not severely and not skipping eating entirely.

Right now I really really hope I stick to this, but I was in a similar place two weeks ago and my therapist talked me out of it, so we'll see. I want recovery and I hate recovery, so . . . well i don't know. We'll see.